so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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