Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
