im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
