Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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