I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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