i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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