I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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