I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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