I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
