dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
