There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
