yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't like sucking hair
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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