haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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