is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
