ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
