remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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