adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
