I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
