Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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