Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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