So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
