the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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