Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish there were birth control emojis
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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