Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, beer. Big fan.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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