I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
