I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I will be naked everywhere
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
