Will you blow on my dice?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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