A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
