Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
