I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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