Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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