pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
