Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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