I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
