I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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