He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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