Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
