did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
