that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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