did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
