She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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