you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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