I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
