I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize