and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
