i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
