sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
