Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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