....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
