not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
