she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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