I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
