I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
