My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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