Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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