Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
