shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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