My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
