Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
