Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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