Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
