Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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