I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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