my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
