I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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