The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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