That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
