I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
